Sliding Doors Ramblings

I've been thinking a lot about the past lately, specifically the last 2-3 years.  It's interesting how you can look back on your life and realize that the most difficult trials and lowest points where you never thought you would wake up have led you to the place you are now.

I look back at myself from 3 years ago.  It's safe to say that I'm a different person than who I was 3 years ago....2 years ago....even 1 year ago.  I am humbled when I think of all of the opportunities I would have missed out on had I made different choices.  My life is finally shaping up in a way that I want it to, not because it's the way someone else wants it, but it's the way I want it.  I don't have a million people in my life, but those who are still around love me fiercely and without question.

Had I continued on the path I was on 3 years ago, I would be unhappily married and trying to mold my life to fit someone else's.  I would be half living, trying not to make waves, going along with someone else's plan because my plan was never that important.  I would be listening to really really terrible music, and would have never lived more than 180 miles from my hometown.  I would probably be working as an administrative assistant.  I probably would have no relationship with my niece, not to mention the rest of my family.  I would be struggling exponentially with how to settle into a life of unhappiness.  I would be reminded daily of my insecurities and would be starving for love and someone who accepted me the way that I am.  I would probably be more financially secure, but it wouldn't be from my doing and I would constantly be reminded of that.

As it turns out, I am happily unmarried and trying to mold my life to my exact specifications. I still sometimes feel like I'm half living, but it's of my own doing.  I can create as many waves as I want to, because dammit, I will have a pink bathroom.  My plan, although flexible to accommodate for any life changes, is the backbone of what gets me up in the morning and gives me something to work hard towards.  As I sit here listening to a few new bands my friend Carlo sent me to try out, I revel in the fact that I am allowed to talk to an old (male) friend and no longer have to justify my musical tastes or the fact that I have male friends.  I can listen to the new Mumford and Sons or Langhorne Slim songs that Carlo sent me and love the feeling of the music and the strength of the lyrics.  I revel in the fact that although it was one of the lowest points in my life, I freaking lived in Los Angeles for just under a year.  How cool and amazing is that?  I lived on Wilshire freaking Boulevard near the park that Simon and Garfunkel wrote a song about.  I know the places in LA Matt Logelin talks about in his book "Two Kisses For Maddy" and I can think that Matt Logelin is a pretty freaking cool guy.  I have a wonderful relationship with my sister, brother-in-law and niece.  My niece's face lights up every time she sees me and says "Aunt Di is here!"  I can call my mom on a random Monday and not have to justify it to anyone.  I have nothing but opportunities ahead of me and don't have to settle into anyone's mold...except my own.  I am the CEO and I either create or destroy any happiness that lies ahead.   I've had the chance to be loved by a wonderful man who has taught me what the word "unconditional" means and who has never once tried to change me - crazy insecurities, random quirks and all.  I have just barely enough cash to live on, but I work my ass off to make it work.

Ahead of me lies ivy league.  Three years ago, all I could see was community college.  I've never been as grateful to see ivy laced buildings as I am now.  

I think sometimes I take for granted the fact that there is a lot to look forward in this life.  No, I'm not where I want to be right now, but I also dodged a bullet that would have sentenced me to a stable but horrible life.  Shouldn't that be enough for me to look forward to each day with the optimism and happiness it deserves?

Spring is Springing...

Recently, the weather up here has been getting steadily warmer.  I love the spring.  I feel an awakening after a long winter, almost like I've come out of hibernation.  In Washington DC, spring is market by the cherry blossoms blooming.  Several weeks ago, when I went home, I went to Washington DC to visit a friend and the cherry blossoms were starting to bloom.  With the new buds comes a new hope and new opportunities.  We can get outside again and it just seems like the world is in our hands.

One of my favorite parts of spring - Beautiful Blooming Cherry Blossoms

While driving through Quincy last week, I noticed a field blanketed in beautiful purple flowers, which I will now call Purple Blanket Flowers.  I needed to find out what was going on so I pulled over.  Turns out the field is a part of the Adams National Historic Site where John Adams (2nd US pres) and John Quincy Adams (6th US pres) lived. I went in the gates, unsure if I was trespassing or not, and started taking pictures.  Turms out I was not trespassing, and it was a beautiful reminder that spring is on its way!!

Fields Blanketed in Teeny Purple Flowers

A New Awakening

Not yet awake mixed with new blooms

Daffodil Splendor

I've had to work the last few days, and today was the first truly beautiful day I had off.  I was going to try to hang out at the Public Garden in Boston, but at the last minute, I found out about the Arnold Arboretum.

The Arnold Arboretum was a gift from two wills, deeded to Harvard University.  It consists of 265 acres of impeccably maintained gardens, paths, and trees.  "The Arboretum is privately endowed as a department of Harvard University. The land, however, was deeded to the City of Boston in 1882 and incorporated into the so-called "Emerald Necklace". Under the agreement with the City, Harvard University was given a thousand-year lease on the property, and the University, as trustee, is directly responsible for the development, maintenance, and operation of the Arboretum; the City retains responsibility for water fountains, benches, roads, boundaries, and policing." (Wikipedia)

The Arboretum was in an area of Boston I am unfamiliar with.  I had been told that the Dorchester/Roxbury/Jamacia Plain areas of Boston were very rough neighborhoods and I should stay away.  Well, I would give my first born to live in one of the gorgeous huge houses I passed on the way there or one of the gorgeous huge houses overlooking the arboretum.  

Some of the homes overlooking the arboretum

The first thing I saw as I walked in the gates were gorgeous blooming magnolia trees.  The scent of a magnolia filled the air as the slight breeze ruffled, erm, messed up my hair.

The day was spectacular.  It was warm with a beautiful breeze blowing.  The birds were chirping, the sun kissed my nose and cheeks, the breeze swirled my skirt around my legs.  In the moment I was in, it couldn't have been more perfect.  I walked around the arboretum and took pictures of the foliage starting to peek up. 

Beautiful Unidentified Flowers

Magnolia Blooms

More Purple Blanket Flowers

Just peeking out!

Still Working on Leaves

Beautiful Daphodils

A Scattering of Purple Blanket Flowers

An Unidentified Pink Flower

Weeds or a Happy Accident?

Blue Skies and Empty Branches

Another Unidentified Thing.  Part Flower, Part Leaf, Part Berry...Maybe Dead or Maybe Just Blooming

White and Purple Blanket Flowers

Bubbling Brook

After spending the afternoon exploring the arboretum, I decided to head home.  I passed an awesome place on my way home which is now the place I aspire to live.  It's in Dorchester, but in a cute little area of town.  The apartments are build in an old chocolate factory that is next to a small dam.  It's pretty awesome.  I looked the apartments up online, but they didn't have a price.  I did ask, so we'll see if it's way out of my budget.

The Factory and Dam 

Super Cool Building

Finally, what beautiful day would be complete without a trip to the beach?  I visited Nantasket Beach, put my toes in the water of Quincy Bay and enjoyed an end to a gorgeous day.

The Boston Skyline from the beach

My Toes in the Sand (covering up my desperate need for a pedicure!)

Spring is just around the corner and this is going to be a wonderful season!!!!

Why I've been absent of late...

This is the reason:

I have been working an insane amount of hours.  That is 48.93 and 43.81 hours respectively.  I know what you're thinking, "But Diana, didn't you work 50+ hour weeks at Universal McCann?"  Yes.  I did.  Sitting at a desk.  Not running around delivering heavy plates.  When I actually do have a day off work, I feel like I'm spending the day playing catch up with my life.  This hasn't been the easiest schedule, but it's making do for now.

So first news first, I am officially a Massachusetts resident!

Second, I found a kickball league in Cambridge that I'm going to join.  I had a lot of fun doing this in LA and am excited to get back into it here.

Finally, my biggest and most exciting news.  In my 48 hour work week haze, I started to think about what I am doing with my life.  Recently, I have been seriously lacking life goals and that makes me anxious and itchy and just depressed.  I had a few things that I was interested in but didn't know which road to take.  I enlisted the help of my brilliant brother-in-law to help me formulate a life plan.  While he was in class and my sister was doing her laundry at a friend's house, I started making pro-con lists and thinking about my goals for the future.  What do I really want out of life?

When I was 22, I wanted:

 To be a high powered business-woman, traveling around the country (or world) for business...

Living in a sleek, modern apartment in a high rise building...

to work hard (and late)...

And having a hand in the development of the next big ad campaign.

Now that I'm 26, and have accomplished these goals, I realized it's not all it's cracked up to be.  With that life comes poverty wages, unending stress, no time for friends or family and an unstable future.  It leads to being 26 and working as a waitress.  Now, I'd much rather:

Travel for pleasure with someone I love...

Own a charming home in the city...

or one right outside of the city with a big front porch and trees that sits on a lake (but is still within walking distance to the T)...

coming home at 5 to my puppy named Charlie...

(A friend shared with me the story of Charlie, from the MBTA...history here)

and actually making a difference in someone's life.  

My father suggested I take a good look at my strengths and weaknesses.  I now know that I am not the kind of person who is going to call someone every week to try to get a job with their company.  I am not going to claw my way to the top of the pile or be ruthless and step on other's foots to get a job.  That's not me.  I am however, the kind of person who is willing to sit and hold someone's hand and listen to their issues, someone who has been described my entire life as being "nice" or "kind" or a "sweetheart".  I don't give up easily on people just because society has labeled them "hopeless".  Although I don't have a ton of patience, but seem to soften when I'm dealing with someone who is sick or someone who just needs another person to lean on.  So what could I do with that?  

The two options that I was debating against were a teacher or an occupational therapist.  I decided that I would not do well with the bureaucratic red tape of teaching so it was quickly axed.  Occupational therapy on the other hand...well, it makes sense for so many reasons.  First, the medical field is projected to grow 28% by 2018.  Second, I'll be able to make a difference in someone's life.  Third, I can continue on to get my doctorate.  Finally, I'll come out of the program making more than double what I made in my last advertising job.  My ultimate goal is to work with alcoholics and addicts to help them develop healthy recreational activities and habits to fill the time they spent using and ultimately helping them maintain their sobriety.  So how can I afford to go back to school to get my degree as an occupational therapist?  I did a little research and developed a plan...

Starting this summer, I'm going to start taking classes at a local community college.  I am going to be working on my certificate in substance abuse services.  This certificate serves a dual purpose.  First, I will hopefully be able to get a job in a rehabilitation center when I "graduate".  Second, it will take care of most of the pre-requisite classes I need to get into Boston University's occupational therapy masters program.  The only classes I'll still need are statistics and gross human anatomy with a cadaver lab which I have to have within 7 years of matriculation from the BU program.  Then sometime in the future, when I have my masters and the dust has settled, I'll look into getting my doctorate in addiction studies at Brown University.

I chose BU for one reason, really.  It has the highest rated occupational therapy program in the country.  I have the grades to get into the program easily.  Bunker Hill is also a feeder school into BU from what I hear.   

I'm hoping to start classes this summer and am very excited.  Since I finally developed a plan, I now feel more hopeful....something I've been lacking for awhile.  I know that there is an end to the waitressing job....although my job is pretty decent, I have realized that I'm far to old to be working in a restaurant.  I'm too old to be dealing with the 23 year old girls with 3 kids who act like they're still in high school.  I'm too old to have a 21 year old make it very clear that she's better than I am because she's going to school to become a photographer.  And although I am past the point where I really care, sometimes I need to remind myself that I'm above that pettiness and that I cannot be brought down to their level.  On those days when I've been working for 13 hours and I only made $100 because I had ridiculous customers, it's often easier said than done to not be hurt when they're whispering to each other and making plans to go out and party that night.

So now, I'm working on becoming a dog....well, a Bulldog (BHCC's mascot).  Then a Terrier (BU's mascot).  And someday down the line, I'll become a bear (Brown University's mascot)...and at that point, I will have been a lion (King's), a tiger (Towson) and a bear.  That my friends is what life is all about.